Constantly making bad choices? Even though you know better, you always muck it up? Do you self-sabotage? Nope, it’s not your romantic relationship, it’s your money relationship.
People who constantly find themselves battling their terrible money situation might not be directly to blame; it could be their subconscious relationship with money. People create ‘scripts’ around money, based on their upbringing and experiences when young. Did your parents ever tell you that money doesn’t grow on trees, or did they constantly tell you that ‘we can’t afford that’? These interactions and messages that were constantly heard influence how people interact with money as adults. Just like with toxic relationships, these subconscious beliefs people have over-ride what their brains know, and they end up failing again, and again.
The good news is that it’s entirely possible to heal your relationship with money, write a new script, and create financial freedom for yourself.
If you haven’t already, find out what type of relationship you have with money. Then, you need to understand what a healthy relationship looks like, and start creating it for yourself. It’s not an overnight process, but it will happen.
What is a Healthy Relationship with Money?
It’s easy to tell what a terrible relationship with money looks like. But it’s harder to identify a healthy relationship; it’s more than just having money in the bank.
- You can regularly open your bank account app and feel positive or neutral about the information you see. You’re not scared or surprised by your bank balance.
- You know reasonably accurately how much money you have, and what bills are coming up.
- You’re happy asking for a raise at work, or if you’re a business, you are confident with your charges. You know your worth and stand by that.
- You buy what you need and what you love, and don’t buy mindlessly.
- You are empowered to buy quality, and items that match your beliefs on human rights or sustainability.
- While you can be frugal and stick to a budget, you feel comfortable with money and can have fun and splurge (within the budget, of course).
- You are happy to discuss finances with your partner or family, and it’s not something that you argue about regularly.
- In your family, you have a healthy attitude towards money. It’s not ‘we can’t afford that’; it’s ‘That’s a great idea, let’s find a way to make it happen!’
If this sounds way healthier than your current situation—how do you get there?
How to Heal Your Relationship with Money
These first steps are all psychological. Get your underlying motivations sorted out and the physical actions and money management will flow on from there.
1. Understand that money is neutral
Money is not inherently good, or bad. It’s a tool to buy things, that’s all. It should not elicit any particular emotion from you. Once you realise that money itself is not a negative, or a positive, you can start feeling better about it.
2. Self-worth and money are not the same
Are rich people better than poor people? No. You shouldn’t feel that your worth—or anyone else’s—is linked to money. You are valuable and important and have worth. Money does not define your worth.
3. Get counselling for trauma
It’s easy to write off money as superficial fluff. But underneath our surface attitudes, there can be deep issues. Resolving trauma can remove our money blocks and change our attitude towards your finances.
4. Start a gratitude journal
When you’re worried about money, that worry seeps into every aspect of your life. Suddenly, everything seems bad; you’re short of money, the house needs repairs, the kids grow out of their shoes way too fast, and everything just piles on. By starting a gratitude journal, you can start focusing on the positives in life.
5. Get professional money assistance
Sort out your finances, and you won’t need to feel bad about it. Contact the team at Sam Kodi to help you:
- Have an emergency savings account
- Invest your money to create passive income
- Manage your debts better so you can stay on the right financial track
Taking proactive steps to manage your money will help you feel better about it; no shocks opening your bank app or unexpected bills you forgot about. Take control of your future.
6. Don’t listen to the haters
Society likes to shame those who are successful financially. We make them out to be villains, praising those who are wealthy but don’t act like it. You’ve done all this work on your money attitude; don’t allow negative opinions and attitudes to creep back in.
You are worth investing in, and you have every right to be financially secure and happy. You can learn to over-ride those internal scripts that sabotage your financial wellbeing, heal that toxic money relationship, and change your future.
